好无聊哦

突然觉得很无聊啊虽然有十一份报告等着要交但却一定动力都没有 我在干嘛啊？怎么没有动力了？要求自己比第一学期更好但维持了两个星期的动力突然消失完了 该怎么办？为什么静不下心来？已经没有玩电脑了但还是没办法专心问题出自何处呀？ 不知为什么这几天都很容易累是心累了？还是真的没精神撑下去了？还真不了解自己 。。。。。。。。。。。。。 我又回到了我的世界原本想要有所突破想改变总让人觉得静静的印象但现在我又回到了原点或许我还是比较喜欢文静的自己吧？ 。。。。。。。。。。。。。 看见身边的人我开始学会羡慕了好幸福喔但我不想开始想先做好我自己更了解我自己上大学让我发现我真不了解自己我要的是什么？我学的真的有用吗？坚持又一定是正确的吗？好多问题喔 。。。。。。。。。。。。 做为商业界的学生静静的我有价值吗？内向的我真适合吗？我开始怀疑自己了中学时期让许多人羡慕的我现在却是找不到方向的菜鸟要怎么样才能找回那让人敬佩表现优异的我呢？ 。。。。。。。。。。 由阴影走出来后的我曾经变得较为乐观了现在我又要与悲观再见面了 最近总觉的即将有大难临头像是回到的在吉隆坡的那段时间许许多多的恶梦日常生活都会时不时的回忆过去一道菜一句话一副图一行字一群人都能轻易的让我回忆到当时的情景 1996年婆婆出殡的场景逐渐的在我脑海里徘徊我受到了什么刺激啊？怎么会想到这些东西呢？我到底怎么了？我还能呆多久？

恐惧

很久没动了
今年的第一篇吧
放假还挺无聊的
就是没心情要写

假期
闲闲的
没事做
工厂也够工人了
不需要帮忙
打算找工
但没有方向和勇气
毕竟我关着也太多年了

现在是得空得很
但心情嘛
有点复杂
不知道自己在想什么的
闲的很空虚
心里有种恐惧感
加上最近一直发恶梦
有的没的通通来

说起恶梦
已经很多年没那么样了
可以说是从吉隆坡搬到吧生以后
就没有在发什么恶梦了吧
在这里过了九年后
恶梦终于又开始纠缠我了
这也让我内心有种恐惧感
真不知该怎么形容
是什么东西让我长发恶梦呢？
只能祈求不要发生事情吧

其实我挺讨厌得空的
一得空
头脑便会开始乱想
想东想西
头脑似乎二十四小时都在想
连睡觉也在想（恶梦）

有时
还真希望自已没有这个脑袋
那么就不必想那么多
生活过得简单得多
就像狗儿一样
吃饱就睡
睡醒就吃
偶尔玩一玩
就那么简单

但
这不可能发生
自三年级以后
我开始成长了
不再那么的单纯
不再那么的天真
不再那么的爱玩

比起之前
我收敛了许多
可以说是过分的收敛
让原本文静的我
更加的不爱与人说话
因为不知道哪一个人是真
哪一个人是假
现在
我学会了
看出一个人的真假
我需要的时间比许多人短了很多
很多人觉得我不会
但其实全都是装的
日子久了
也就习惯了
装也装惯了
不说话也不说惯了
所以要我改变
可以说是有点不可能

现实就是那么的黑暗
最亲近的人可以是最邪恶的
最邪恶的人可以是最友善的
其实不管邪恶或是友善
我都必须感谢那些人
要不是他们
今天的我可能是那么的天真
现在的我没上进心
要不是他们
今天的我比现在更没上进心几百倍
要不是他们
今天的我可能是个败家子

我的背影
其实还挺特别的嘛~
感谢上天给我那么一个机会学习
给我那么一个机会磨练
愿我不会变到我心中所畏惧的我
（有点难明白我在说什么吧？哈哈）

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

今天发生了很多事
与平时一样
每个星期日都一早去siri andalas 打羽球
但发现自己今天进步了很多
不再畏惧常常克制我的障碍
头脑挺清醒的
一直压着对方打
虽然有输很多场
但有将分数都拉得很近
都在落后十分的情况下
靠我一己之力把比分拉近
嘻嘻~~~~~
打得他们喘端端的

不知是不是因为这样
打得我姨丈过度消耗体能
一起吃早餐的时候忽然晕倒
但自己没能做些什么
感到自己很没有和内疚
希望不是因为跟过打
打得过度消耗体能而照成的吧
看了医生有好一些
但吃晚饭（团圆饭）的时候
他又在冒冷汗了
结果送到pantai去
但我没跟去

医生说是胃风
胃风是什么呀
@_@???
过后也没事回家了

希望他能快点康复
毕竟他是我从小以来
给过我最多快乐的人之一吧~
早日康复哦~~~ =D

放假了~

The exam ended on last friday
I dont know how the result looks like
because I only revise fews things for the final
this is the first time
that I din't well prepared
before I step into the hall

I din't study
because need to work for factory
the warehouse sales held during the final exam
although hestitated a lot on it
but I finally decide to help
rather than study which only for my own result
the warehouse sales is more important for this big team
I can't contribute a lot
I tried my best to help
the feeling is special from everythings
it is worth although it may influenced my results

some subject is dangerous for me
but I think the god will always help me
not everytime
but when I need the god
I wished that I can pass it

If I fail any of the subject
my scholarship will gone
I need to pay more if I want to continue study
but if I fail
I think I will choose to escape
although study is suitable for me
but I'm not really like to study

In this sem
I learned a lot
not only study
but also how to face the stress
and others
I hate this sem
but I enjoy this sem too~
and so happy that this sem ended so fast

now I'm free for three month
no need to study
no need to work
Is so boring~~~
and make me always miss people
haiz~!
I would like to find job for part time
anyone can introduce me some nice job?
I want to try different experience
I want to learn different type of things
I want to study how a worker behave

I would like to sport too
long time din't play sport already
anyone want to join me?
volleyball~ badminton~ bowling~
futsal~ ping pong~ basketball~
miss ball rather than miss people already
haha~

now I'm hesitated
what should I do
during this 3 months~

__________________________________

我正在怀疑我自己
这次我是认真的吗
一次又一次的失去
已经让我不敢继续
放弃了却忘不干净
何时才能脱离困境
我还真的没有勇气
但我必须学会努力
努力忘记全部过去
重新寻找我的默契
但我急需某些鼓励

开朗的你
感染了我

教会了我

激励了我
你心里是否也有我？
你是否曾经认真呢？

miss you so much~ !!!

~O.o~ ~o.o~ ~o.O~

终于得空打扫这里的灰尘了

久等了各位，对不起~~~

谢谢关注我的每一位朋友~=D

呼~~~（5）

昨天打开了Student Portals来看
看看英文的报告如何
结果发现matching只有5%
感到很兴奋
竟然只有5%
哈哈
因为之前听到的
有37%，38%，39%的
甚至有几个是40%，42% 的
只有5%真惊讶

那烦人的EB报告终于成为了past tense
哈哈~~~很开心说
但是还有很多很多的报告要交
包括放假后的第一天就要叫上accounting 报告
然后又有test。。。
真是的~~~烦~~~！
丢了两科test的分数
还有两科我不会再乱丢分了

假期来得正是时候
让我好好的赶上去
让我充电充电一番
准备好面对剩下的9~10个星期
还真长呀~~~~~~~~~！！！

呼~~~（4）

今天去了老人院
早上还真的不想去
但没办法
不去不行
做moral project
不然睬它都傻

但这一去还真的体会到不同的东西
对我来说那几个小时一点都不浪费
老人家的固执让我敬佩
也让我想到了当年外公生病的时候
我不敢去碰他
感觉到自己很没用
自己的外公
只应为有病和肌肉松软
我就不敢帮他按摩
我做到的
只是陪他下棋
当时他已经神智不清了
也是最后一次
最接近的互动吧
过没多久他就逝世了
我是不是很没用呢？！

至于公公
他逝世前并没有什么最后的互动
因为没有机会
一切来得太突然了
没想到他坚持不过
但我到不觉得有太多的遗憾
因为在同他住在一起的那段日子
我是最常听他说‘故事’的孙子吧@@!!!
在搬家前都有经常陪他坐在电视机前看戏
但没什么陪他聊天
因为那时我的性格
我不善长于聊天
只会乖乖的听‘故事’
其实还蛮不错听的
对他最深刻的印象
就是每当在做功课的时候
都叫我头要抬高
不然会近视
也或许是因为他
今天的我还不必带上眼镜吧
（就快了==lll）

在老人院那吸收得不少
做人最重要的是知足
但有多少个人会知足呢？
院长问了一个问题
一个人最重要的两个东西是什么？
1。钱 2。恩师
的确还蛮有道理的
他人还挺谦虚的
教会了我们
却怕伤害到我们
不断重复
‘我说的不一定是对的，
你们大学生学得比我们多，
不对的话就不要听吧’
其实根本没有所谓的对或错
只在于人怎么去看待
一种米样百种人
有些人认为是对的
但也不见得它是没错呀
只在于那个人的良知到了什么程度

院长的很多话
我都听进去了
包括快快结婚
当场的男生和女生突然尴尬起来
当然也不是说我会马上找一个啦
只是他说的有道理
现在的人越来越挑剔
就像我大哥那种
人不可能是完美的
总会有需要弥补的裂痕
要去学会接受他/她的缺点
习惯了以后
那就不再是缺点了
而是少了那‘缺点’
你就会感觉到全身不自在的那种
很有道理，不是吗？XD

呼~~~（3）

3/9星期四
in UWE-Sem1
there are quite little people
who graduate from UEC
but Im quite lucky to be one of them
a group that I familiar with
get me the feeling of comfart
about 10 people like that
most of them is from Johor
normally we sit together in lecture
although we are from different tutorial group
I love this group rather than my tutorial group
during thursday
Du Hong and I join Sin YI, Fun Fun,
Sook Wah, Zhi Liang and Michi
go to library to print note
that day I only realise
realise many of them
get a lot of As in UEC exam
and some of them is UEC top 50
I shocked that movement
wow~~~too pro already
I have a chance to know the top 50 student
haha...got chance to see how they study

谈着谈着
突然谈到关于学习的
我才发现
原来不只我一个人感到压力
车祸的那一天
我真的想过是否该放弃了
这环境根本就不属于我的
报告是我一直以来都不喜欢的东西
要不是她劝我
我看我已经踏入社会了
可是现在呢？
我的心态还是跟进入学院前一样
读书只是为了张文凭
可是文凭对我来说
只是重要
还没到非常重要的那种地步
没文凭我一样可以活下去

从谈天中发现
原来我们都是一样的
一样的面对压力
一样的不明白Micro & Managment
一样的冒出了停学或转学的念头
一样的还没适应这环境
听了他们所说的
我更不应该放弃
我就是要偏向虎山行
我就不信我赢不了那老虎
我就是要改变命运

况且现在遇到一个星期的假
我不信我赶不上课程
更何况一个星期的假
对我来说是最有用的
因为不会懒惰、浪费
不长也不短
刚刚好够我用

呼~~~（2）

I start feeling stress
because of taylor's stupid division office
because of subang's stupid traffic problem
because of my stupid english
because of I can't catch what teacher teaching
the life is totally different from foundation
I'm start hating the life in taylor
hate to face that environment

although I have a big gang in my class
but I dont feel happy
are they using me?
dont know
I just know that this is a time for me to learn
learn from different kind of people
learn from different kind of challenge
why were them first consider
to take me away from the gang?
because Im not good in mangament?
so helpless in the assignment?
why were you all choose me as another group leader
after you all take me away from the gang
why are you all so realistic
when got test want to sit beside me
when no test just left me away?
by the way, if you all want be like that
I would just let you all continue
at the end of the semester
dont come and beg me to help you all
that kind of feeling really sucks
I dont know why still got people can stand for it

Im now a leader for my managment group assignment
in my group
one from tanzania, one from indonesia
and three of us from UEC
it was really hard to communicate
and also hard to lead this group
Du Hong cant understand english well
two foreign cant understand chinese
what language should I used to discuss?
and also
only me got driving car to school
but Im not so know about all those places
when want to survey
I dont have any idea
I realise that I didn't even have my own judgment
in doing everythings
Im not suitable to be a leader
Im only suitable to be a good helper
FOREVER!!!
really miss my foundation english group
what things I need also have
compare now to that group
no one could really help me a lot
one member who know chinese and could speak english
had change group to the others group
now their group have 7 people
and my group only have 5 people
IS HARD TO COMMUNICATE >and I need to call the company in this week
Im really scared anythings will happen
I have run out from my shadow
scolding by stranger >why I cant get away from it?!
the event had been pass for 12 years
why I still cant forget it!!!
It make me will drop tears everytime
when argue with others
I really HATE argue with others!!!

now the god want to challenge me
but I would say that
I wont so easy to give up
especially to DESTINY!!!
hope I could learn many things from that>

呼~~~(1)

Finally
Im back to blogging
many things happened between this two weeks
and also...
many things I had forget already
cant remember all the things
my memory become shorter and shorter
I will become old man faster than others
how to treat this problem?
I dont want old so fast>I still have many years to go
dont want live like a tree

31/8 Merdeka day...
I was busy for rushing the EB assignment
for whole day
start from 7.30 a.m. to 10p.m.
actually this is 2 hours assignment
which is do in class
but I used one day to finish it
how weak is my english >I hate the feeling for studying whole day
when go to dinner
my eyes seems got problem
luckily just for short period
it was covered the second day

Merdeka day...suppose be a good day
but heard so much about racism
is this the 'original Malaysia'?
can everyone just stop it?
no matter who start it first
no matter which race done better for this country
doesn't everyone just want a peace Malaysia
so hard?!maybe
because too much of idiot in this world

1/9 black day
this is my first time
first time to late arrive at school
because Du Hong sleep late and traffice jam
and the afternoon class
doing the assignment in computer lab
and copy my file from hotmail
actually cannot do it like that
but the time is really not enough
I used more than one hour to do the reference list
only reference list
cant imagine how if I dint write the passage before class
and need to 'act' for teacher= =
when she go out from lab
I just paste the essay which I prepared
now Im BAD STUDENT =P
this is also first time in my life
first time to meet in accident
because of Hari Raya
to prevent having a 'yellow card' from traffice police
I had pay so much attention when driving
decreas the speeds from 100~110 to 80~90
just dont want anythings to happen
how know I'm so bad luck
the accident took place in school car park
from that day
I only realise car park is also dangerous
a black car suddenly come out from a turn
I brake but still cant stop the car
Du hong and I also shock that time
because of my suddenly brake@_@!!!
luckily not so serious
after the accident
the girls still want to rush away
but they really stupid
dont know the road is always jam
so I call them down
they still say I drive fast
really stupid reason
car park...how fast can I drive?
and the god also dont want to help me
her car nothings happened
I nothings to say anymore
and she dont want to admit it was her fault
I dont like argue with people
and want to control my anger
so just take her phone number
then go home and tell my parents
when arrive at home
my mom tell me to claim the girl
but I really hate to do that
and sms the leng lui
she ask want claim how much
I just tell her no need ==lll
am I stupid? yes!maybe=x
because only a big black print
papa say the print was crash by the car wheel
same as Du Hong said
that's why her car notings happened >I dont want many other things to happen
so just let it go

-VS-

Hong Kong VS Taiwan

Hong Kong is so nice

Taiwan not bad too

but Hong Kong not nice to play

because too much of 'China Man'

they so palia

kurang ajar!!!

dont know what is line up

and no manners

'Hong Kong Man' is not bad

but when you go for MRT

must be careful

they will push you in when so much people

'Taiwan Man' is really different with it

they are so polite and honest

the hong kong trip

so lucky

I saw one member of TWINS

2009 VS 2010

Year 2009 not a good year for me

Year 2010 was really different

I feel my luck change better

and many things can be easily complete

Study VS Work

both also can I accept

but work really so boring

because can whole days sitting inside office and nothing to do

really boring

and study is quite good

somemore can have part time work

because only study about 12 hours ++ for one weeks

Dream ~~~(continuation 4)

dream again

this time was only a short dream

continue that story that havent finish

after gap for one year plus few month

is continue again

this time you only give me a short time to talk with you

and night

you ask me a question

‘你还没习惯上网的时候，你通常在做什么的？’

I answered your quest with the answer which I know that not you wanted

you looked a bit despair then

then the dream end =='''

when you the dream continue again?

and when will it become true？

expected